You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
