is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
A+ Viking dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
