Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize