peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
