She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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