just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
