Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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