I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
