The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
