wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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