So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
