why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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