how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
