i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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