He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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