There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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