i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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