Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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