I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
