hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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