I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
