Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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