I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
