Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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