I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
