Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
tell me about the eggs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
