playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
