How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
