thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
