you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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