woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
