Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
