After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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