But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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