If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
