The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize