So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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