please come you make the beer taste better
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
