Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
