You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize