I'm so fucking centered right now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
