I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
