I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
