Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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