I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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