Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
