Old men and throwing up are my life now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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