there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
