i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
