He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
