fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
