Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
