Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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