His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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