Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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