all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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