So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
