Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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