she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
