absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
