come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
