You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
