This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
