And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
