She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
