I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
