gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
