i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
