Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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