So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
