Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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