Are we in a gay sports bar?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
