you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
