Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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