FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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