How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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