why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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