I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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