I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
