and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
