haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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